I don't know

it happen so fast.... just a few seconds .... and those words came out ... i don't even know what to say..... it was like a blade slicing n piercing my soul..... its so hurt that i can't even breath...... the only thing that came out to my mind was...... why?..... why it is so easy ...... just a few days and a few words..... everything change..... swear to God...... at that moment ......i want to cry but.... this tears would never flow..... it stays n never drop..... the thing that left to cover up this mess ...... was a fake smile..... such a DUMBASS.... I'm lying to my feelings ...... i can't believe no matter how hard i tried...... the distance never change..... i admit..... i can't stop thinking of her even for a day..... the words letting you go..... it is so hard to swallow..... dying in love with her..... truthfully and honestly..... i don' care about the past..... the present time..... it's all that matters...... i know she have someone ..... n i do respect that she wants to continue with it ..... for that.... i seal my heart away..... n keep supporting her every time she's feeling sad and hurt....... but that day..... everything change..... a guy came to her heart...... and she fall for it ..... she willingly to start a new love..... i don't know how to express my feelings that time..... so confused..... anger....devastated..... disappointed......sad.... i simply can express it.... why can she easily choose him although i was there ..... i guess..... i'm just a friend..... n the highest position i can be in her heart is a best friend.... it was painful to bear with..... but for the happiness of the girl that i love most...... i said to her...... go on... cherish your love with him...... but deep inside my heart..... i want to say..... "no.... why can't u start a new love with me..... u know my feelings don't you...... u know how deep my love for you...... " but what can be done..... sometime love need someone to sacrifice....... i think thats the reason why my heart words didn't reach out..... n that night.... after praying n doing some self reflection...... during my sleep..... i fought with myself...... n little by little.... i lost some memories of her...... i can't bear the pain..... the pain that she won't choose my .... though I'm close to her..... maybe ..... its because I'm like this..... or maybe cause interest..... who knows..... left alone for a while..... n the next night.... my friends came to my house n ask me..... do you still love her.... i don't know how they found out..... i never spoken about it to anyone.....but i think they realize it..... as I'm totally different that day..... like lost something so precious..... but never thought they can predict that it was connecting with her...... damn they're good..... zzzz..... anyway.... that night.... my friend told me everything about that guy.... don't know how to respond to the story..... speechless..... true or false.....aaarggh~~~ i dont want to tell her about this..... but im really concern about it.... i dont want her to cry at the end of the day...... its hard to accept when seeing it...... so i give her some clues n hint n a short description...... n let her think about it...... its up to her to choose which one to trust...... I'm sorry bout this.... u can hate me.... u can curse me.... u can do anything even killing me.....im willing to accept it...... but please..... understand that.... I'm doing this because i love u..... so much that a single tear leaves a scar that keeps bleeding...... I'm so sorry to love u......